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"Sherlock Holmes" by Dan Brown.

Long story, but over the weekend I found myself simultaneously within arm's length of Dan Brown's latest novel -- "The Lost Symbol," the fastest selling adult-market novel in history (whatever that means) -- and in a movie theater watching "Sherlock Holmes," the Guy Ritchie abortion I had no plans of seeing. It was awfully clever of Ritchie to excuse his normally ADD-via-cubism editing scheme by having Holmes explain in slo-mo how he fights people, then speeding it up...

Quiver along with "Sherlock Holmes."

"Sherlock Holmes" is poised to be the underperformer of December's limited blockbuster crop, because a) most Americans don't care about the adventures of a dead white Victorian, even if he knows kung-fu b) Watson and Holmes are a little gay, and America doesn't care for that kind of thing in its action heroes (or, apparently, its state legislation). Or something. Every box-office "analyst" and trend-watcher in the United States of America has, based on this fact and...